“We All Have a Little ADHD” The Lie That Shrinks the Room. Stop Saying It!
And how to stop this lie from spreading.
Let’s be honest.
Most people who say this line aren’t trying to be mean.
They’re trying to be kind. Reassuring.
They’re saying, “Don’t worry, you’re not that broken. We all forget stuff.”
But what they don’t realize is
that when someone opens up about being diagnosed with ADHD
especially late in life
this kind of casual comment doesn’t bring comfort.
It brings collapse.
This is what ADHD stigma really looks like
from someone who’s lived it,
masked it, and finally said it out loud.
You think you’re welcoming us in.
But what you’re really doing is making us question the diagnosis we just fought to understand.
You’re shrinking the space we were trying to claim.
What You Don’t See About ADHD Stigma
ADHD isn’t a quirky personality trait.
It’s not being late sometimes or forgetting your keys.
ADHD is waking up every day to function
and still forgetting to brush your teeth.
It’s knowing the rent is due and still missing it.
It’s having every reason to take the trash out—and still not doing it.
It’s not just distraction.
It’s shame on repeat.
It’s emotional spirals because we want to do better,
and our brain won’t let us.
And then we beat ourselves up for days.
What ADHD Really Feels Like
I tell people: look, I get it.
Everyone forgets things.
Everyone gets distracted.
But when I say I have ADHD,
I’m not saying I occasionally get overwhelmed.
I’m saying my brain is constantly rerouting in a world that isn’t wired for me.
I have to convince myself
literally talk myself through
Why brushing my teeth matters today
and more often thatn not I forget to do it.
I have to fight my brain to shower,
pay a bill, sit through a meeting, or remember my login.
Even when I want to.
Even when I try.
That’s the part people don’t see.
That’s what gets flattened when you say “we all have a little ADHD.”
The ADHD Diagnosis Was Broken Before We Were
ADHD as a diagnosis has been messed up since the beginning.
It was built around hyperactive boys in classrooms
boys who couldn’t sit still, who got labeled as the “problem.”
But that narrow definition meant that generations of people
especially women, especially those who masked well
were overlooked.
It meant people like me spent
30+ years thinking we were lazy,
messy, flaky, or just not trying hard enough.
Even my doctors were shocked when I got tested.
One told me,
“You have one of the most extreme ADHD profiles I’ve ever seen. How were you not caught earlier?”
Because I succeeded.
Because I masked.
Because no one ever asked what was happening underneath.
It’s Not About Labels. It’s About Our Wiring.
ADHD isn’t just a diagnosis.
It’s a different operating system.
Our brains work differently.
And the world isn’t built for that difference.
We’re not asking people to rebuild the world.
But we are asking for understanding.
For curiosity.
For middle ground.
Because masking everything just to survive in a neurotypical world
isn’t sustainable.
And when we finally stop masking
it’s messy, confusing, beautiful, and hard as hell.
What We Must Help Others Say Instead
You want to say something that helps?
Say:
“Thank you for telling me that. I didn’t know it ran that deep. What are some things we can do to work better together?”
That’s it.
That’s how you open the room, not shrink it.
That’s how you invite collaboration instead of pushing us back into shame.
Because when you really get it, you realize:
We’re not lazy. We’re wired differently.
And the ones who are transparent about it?
We’re not looking for excuses.
We’re just finally learning how to explain what our brains have always been trying to say.
One Final Example of that ADHD Wired Differently Brain
I’ve studied how I order coffee.
The order of words I say.
The pacing. The tone. The inflection.
Why and how an order got messed up and what about the way I ordered it that time was different.
All to reduce the chance of the barista screwing it up.
It’s not about control.
It’s not about being particular.
It’s about the systems I’ve had to build to keep my world from falling apart.
So when I say,
“Let me order for us,”
I’m not trying to dominate.
I’m trying to protect the success rate I’ve reverse-engineered with data points you never even noticed.
That’s how my brain works.
That’s what ADHD is.
Not a little.
Not sometimes.
Every DAMN day.
And that deserves more than a shrug and a punchline.
You’re Not Overreacting. You’re Finally Noticing the Pattern.
If this line
“We all have a little ADHD”
has ever made your chest tighten,
your cheeks burn,
your story feel suddenly…
smaller
You’re not broken for feeling that. You’re not too sensitive. You’re not imagining it.
You’re finally noticing the pattern.
The subtle shrinking.
The casual dismissal.
The way people try to relate
and erase you in the same breath.
And maybe you’ve stayed quiet.
Maybe you’ve laughed it off.
Maybe you’ve told yourself,
They mean well. It’s not worth it.
But it is worth it. Because you’re worth it.
Here’s Why That Line Hits So Damn Hard
Because it skips past the years you spent blaming yourself.
Because it flattens what you’ve unmasked.
Because it reduces a neurological reality to a personality quirk.
Because when someone says,
“We all have a little ADHD,”
what you hear
deep in your body is:
“You’re not allowed to take up more space than me.”
You Don’t Have to Educate Everyone. But You Can Reclaim Your Truth.
You don’t have to launch into a TED Talk.
You don’t have to prove your pain.
But if you want to push back?
Here’s something simple you can say:
“I know you mean well. But that phrase really dismisses how real and relentless ADHD is for some of us.”
Or:
“It’s not a little thing for me. It’s every day. It’s how my brain works. And it’s been a long road to even say that out loud.”
Let them sit with it.
Let them adjust.
Let them feel the room get a little bigger
and a little more honest.
Let This Be the Room You Needed
If no one ever told you this before
I’m so damn proud of you.
For reading this.
For staying.
For opening up.
This post isn’t about fighting people.
It’s about finding each other.
So if this resonated
Bookmark it.
Share it with someone who keeps saying that line.
Or save it for the day you’re ready to say,
“Actually, no. Not everyone has a little ADHD. But I do. And it’s time we start talking about it differently.”
Because the world won’t shift until we start drawing lines. Not to divide. But to protect what we’ve spent our whole lives trying to understand.
And that starts with you.
