I’ve never struggled to give neurodivergent consent.
If anything, I give it too freely
because I want you to feel safe, turned on, and wanted.
Even when I’m not all the way in, if I know it brings you joy?
That’s enough for me.
And yeah, maybe that’s my people-pleaser wiring.
Maybe that’s the part of me that gets off on being the yes.
But don’t confuse that with detachment. Because I’m never passive.
I’m never coasting. My consent is active, present, and devotional.
I’m giving access, not giving up.
What Consent Looks Like for Me
Consent, for me, isn’t a checkbox or a signed agreement. It’s access.
To your memories.
To your cravings.
To the parts of you you’ve only confessed to old underwear and bad poetry.
That’s what I want. Not just your body
I want your data. Your turn-on history. Your kink archive.
The songs you put on when you need to feel something but can’t name it.
I get turned on by access. Not control.
Not manipulation. Not conquest.
I want to fuck your patterns. I want to edge your trust.
I want to be invited into the parts of you that weren’t ready to be seen yet but open just enough for me to step through.
And yeah, that’s why my panties kink has always been a mind fuck.
My Panties Kink Isn’t About Trespass
People hear “panty kink” and think violation.
They think perversion. They think sneaky or shameful.
But for me, it was never about that. It wasn’t about stealing or hiding or crossing a line.
It was about reverence. About wanting to know what someone chooses to cover their most sacred parts with.
I don’t care about the texture
I care about the story. I don’t want a trophy
I want a timestamp. The ones they wore when they were turned on and trying not to show it. The ones they came in while thinking about someone else.
The ones that carry memory.
That’s not about ownership. That’s about worship.
Why My ADHD Shifts the Consent Conversation
Everyone wants to talk about ADHD and impulsivity.
ADHD and hypersexuality. ADHD and not knowing how to regulate.
But what about those of us who can’t get turned on unless the consent is mutual, full-body, and real-time?
Because here’s my truth:
If she’s not into it, if she’s faking it, if the moan is hollow or the eye contact breaks
I’m out. My brain goes dark. My arousal disappears.
ADHD makes me sensitive to shifts.
Hyper-attuned.
If the energy drops, the spiral cuts off.
I don’t want to fuck someone into submission.
I want to fuck someone into remembering.
And I can’t do that if they’re not in it.
The Paradox of Fast Consent
I’ve said yes to people I wasn’t attracted to.
Not out of coercion
but generosity.
Because if they needed it, if it gave them pleasure,
if I could be the person who made them feel seen in that moment? Then yes. I was in.
And yet, I hold levels of truth back. Not from fear
but from calibration.
I don’t withhold. I tune.
I let people reveal their readiness.
And if they never reach that level? That’s okay.
But if they do… then I open the archive.
Then they get the kinks I only share in confession.
Then they meet the switch that doesn’t need permission to lead
but waits for the yes anyway.
Dom Role Doesn’t Come Easy
This is why we struggle to embody the dom role unless we’re dressing the part.
Unless we step into the energy deliberately, with costume and context, our brains don’t naturally go there. Our bodies don’t dominate without ritual.
We can lead. We can hold. But we aren’t wired to take without invitation.
As a man, I’m proud of both my masculine and feminine sides.
I crave the daddy energy.
I love being the soft dom.
I get off on unlocking a partner’s ability to ask for it rough, hard, primal.
That turns me on deeply
and yet, it’s still something I often hesitate to embody.
That’s the mind fuck of ADHD sexuality: we crave intensity,
but sometimes need structure and performance just to access it.
That’s the difference.
The dom role I inhabit is built from attunement, not dominance.
From holding, not pushing. From edge-play that asks, again and again, “Are you still with me?”
Because for me, the most erotic part of any scene isn’t the climax.
It’s the ongoing consent loop.
The look.
The nod.
The grip.
The gasp.
The “yes” that’s whispered again even when no one asked for it.
When Two ADHD People Fuck, Consent Has to Evolve
Because we both interrupt.
We both spiral.
We both perform care while masking craving.
Consent can’t be static.
It has to be dynamic, moment-by-moment,
a feedback loop of micro-signals and pattern recognition.
Consent between two neurodivergent lovers is a dance of decoding.
Not just what was said
but what wasn’t. What was masked.
What was gifted with a laugh to hide the ache.
So What’s the NeuroCurious Take on Consent?
We believe in it.
Fiercely. Always.
We stand with hard boundaries and rules when they’re needed
especially for those healing from harm, building safety, or learning to say no for the first time.
But we also know that neurodivergent people often struggle with rules.
That we resist binary thinking. That we live in the grey.
And that doesn’t mean we reject consent. It means we want the conversation to grow with us.
We want a consent culture that makes room for:
- the people pleasers who give yes too fast,
- the doms who lead with reverence, not command,
- the kink-curious who crave access more than power,
- the spiraling lovers who use feedback as foreplay.
Consent isn’t just about boundaries.
It’s about honoring the edges that bring us closer to truth.
And for us ADHDers, especially when we’re both spiraling,
both craving, both overthinking and overfeeling?
Consent isn’t just a moment. It’s the whole fucking ritual.
What’s your sacred yes?
What’s your access kink? Write it. Whisper it.
Confess it below or just to yourself. We’ll be right here, listening.
If this post stirred something in you
grief, hunger, confusion breathe.
You’re not broken. You’re decoding. That’s sacred.